agentak

Title: I Don't Believe You
Pairing: SPANGEL!
Summary: Spike chases after the past, but does he even understand how he feels?
Written for Izzy, who is made of epic levels of awesome.

NOTE: If you want the full experiance, watch this video first: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7zweXz-XrY That song was playing in my head the whole time writing the second half of this.

“What did you tell her?!”

Angel’s hand tightened against the other vampire’s throat. Spike's back hit the wall quite hard, knocking the air from his lungs. Not that he really needed any. The hand on his throat made it hard to speak. “OOoooh, what's this? Trying to relive a few of our more "fun" evenings together?” His voice was hoarse.

Angel’s response was to squeeze the neck in his hand tighter. “If you don’t tell me, Spike, you’ll be begging for the light of day by this time tomorrow.”

It didn't surprise Spike that the idiot apparently didn't realize that while he doesn't have to breathe, his voice has to come from somewhere. Spike squeaked several times, the best he could manage with Angel trying to rip his throat apart. The older vamp noticed this and dropped Spike, letting him fall to the ground. The blond began rubbing his neck, trying to get some semblance of feeling back.

“She noticed something odd in Giles’ files on you. Came to me for clarification.” Despite the pain in his features, Spike smirked. It was slightly obscured by blotches of bruises already beginning to form, but the mocking venom was clear as crystal. “Couldn’t turn her away, could I?”

“You could have said something else. You’re a talented liar.”

Spike raised himself from the ground, testing out his jaw. It might be fractured, judging from the sharp stab of pain he felt rotating to the left. “’Angelus was often seen with his vampire lovers, most notably he chose Darla, Drusilla and William the Bloody. ’ Kinda hard to find an alibi for that one, mate. Besides...” Spike straightened. “She seemed to like the stories.”

Angel couldn’t even bring himself to hit the blond. His face paled. She knows. “And you were all too happy to tell her everything.”

Spike got close to the other man. Close enough for his nose to almost touch Angel's. “Maybe I just like reliving the memories.”

Angel paused. He looked into Spike’s cold, grey eyes. Often Angelus was repressed, but sometimes... When temptation was too great... The alternate version of the vampire would echo in his thoughts. Take him, Angelus urged. He wants it. Look at him! She’d never have to know. She’d never believe him if he told her. Take him!

“No. Things have changed, Spike. I’ve changed. I don’t want you anymore.”

Smirking again, Spike drew his head away from the taller man to better look him in the eye. ”If you don't want this...“ Spike placed his head even closer than before. His lips almost touched Angel's. “Why haven't you moved?”

Angel’s mouth suddenly felt dry. Why hasn’t he moved? It’s not because he wanted Spike. No. That couldn’t be it. Why was his skin suddenly hot? Why did the sight of William, beaten and bleeding, fill him with lust?

The blond shrugged. ”Or maybe you don’t want it. Maybe I don't know you as well as I know I do. I'll tell you one thing I know...” Spike took a step forward, arms embracing Angel. Hot passion dripped from Spike's mouth as he covered Angel's lips with his own. Spike's tongue thrust into Angel's mouth, exploring the cave he’d missed so much. Angel was stunned, two decades of memories rushing back at full force. Their first night together in England. How neither of the girls screamed quite right, but William got it every time. William’s eagerness to please and urge to submit. Angel passively allowing Spike to dominate his mouth, powerfully forcing him into whatever this was that Spike wanted. When the younger vampire had finished giving Angel what he knew to be the hottest kiss the other man had ever experienced, Spike pulled his head back to look Angel in the eye. A quick glance at Angel’s expression confirmed his suspicions. “It’s what you need.”

Slightly dazed, Angel snapped back. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “What the hell was that? No, I don’t need you. I’m a different man, Spike. Deal with it.” Angel turned to leave Spike standing in the alley alone.

It wasn’t that he loved Angel. Or Angelus, for that matter. He certainly didn’t want him. Twenty years they’d been together. An achievement for a human, a blip for a vampire. It was nothing. So why did he still feel this urge? He tried to fight it. For years, he lied to himself and suppressed any desire towards Angel.

Every night he knew when to start drinking. When to start so that he could drink solidly until she came for him and he’d had enough that he was numb but not drunk. Numb enough to just see the similarities between them. She was sadistic, in her way. Always thought herself stronger than she was, but it worked for her. Constantly filled with a driving need to save the world. It was endearing. In him. In her it was self-centered. They both brooded. In him, it was a chance to make a joke or a jab and maybe bring him out of it. Even yelling at him would be better than sitting in the corner alone. In her it was whiney. Pathetic and needy. There was a link between the two; she’d tainted him before and, for a time, drove him back to Spike. He was grateful for that.

But their differences didn’t matter much. When he was numb enough all he saw was their similarities. When he kissed her, if he kissed deep enough, he could still taste him there. It wasn’t the connection to Angel that he wanted, but it was the closest he could get. It was what he needed.