Fuck my life. Fuck my luck. Fuck my taste in people. Fuck the Livejournal cut. Just fuck it all.
You want to know my fucking relationship history in a nutshell? Here it is; start to finish. Yes, finish. I've fucking had it. I hope you'll understand why by the end of this.
Enter boyfriend A. Much older (I was 15; he was starting in a very prestigious Medical Student program at 18). Very good-looking, made great money, loved me like crazy, my parents ADORED him, we had a lot in common, he was very intelligent, never pushed me for anything sexual (I wasn't comfortable), loved to spoil me and shower me with gifts, wanted to get on good terms with my friends. Seems great, right? Several months in he becomes a creepy, possessive, obsessed abusive stalker. After a year-long engagement (Yeah, I said 'yes' after he had started treating me like shit. I am an idiot. Moving on.), I've had enough and I work up the strength to dump his needy ass. I did not, however, leave the relationship fast enough to miss out on plently of emotional scarring. This is where I believe the troubles began.
Girlfriend A. A friend of mine that I dated for like one or two weeks a few months after boyfriend A; but we decided to part ways because while we made good friends, there was no chemistry.
Girlfriend B. About eight months ish after girlfriend A. We were fine and dated for about two months; but I was somewhat emotionally distant. She sent me a six-paragraph email detailing how much she was in love with me. The email ended with: "We don't get to go out all that often, but that would be fine if we were having sex." I respond that I'm not ready. She dumps me right there and ten minutes afterward decides it's totally fine to upload pictures taken DURING OUR RELATIONSHIP of her at parties making out with random people half-clothed.
Boyfriend B. Started dating at the end of June; broke up an hour ago. Gorgeous, great kisser, really sweet, Russian, he seemed to really want to get to know me, he seemed like an all-around great guy. Then in one conversation revealed himself to be an unintelligent, arrogant, self-centered, old-fashioned, controlling, misogynistic, homophobic douchebag. All in the span of one hour-long phone call, he loudly voiced his opinion that a woman's place was in the kitchen, what a horrible place the world is because a man will come home to dirty dishes and an empty table because women don't all just stay home, that women who are unhappy in their marraiges should shut their damn mouths because it's probably their fault, that I'm practically retarded for wanting to adopt, about he would personally smash all the cameras in a tv network that had programs showing homosexuality in a positive light, how if his future son ever turned out to be gay he'd spend all his time and money on therapists to 'fix' the boy...Eh, need I go on? I told him I wasn't interested anymore, said good-bye and hung up. He sends me a lovely text afterward whining about how horrible I am, with everything rainging to physical appearance to my apparent lack of intelligence, to my disgusting liberal 'morals'. It wasn't even well-written. It was just angry, bitter slander. All I could think was (well, first off that he's calling me brain-deadly stupid and he was constantly asking me to explain myself because he couldn't follow complex sentences. His english was fantastic. Apparently he's just stupid.) Wow, this guy is not used to being dumped.
So I'm done. Fuck it. All I attract are scumbags and losers. I'm not trying anymore. I'm a solitary person anyway. I'm actually really glad the last one turned out to have opinions like he did. My problem is that I will take a lot of shit from my relationships. Not just romantic, but in general. Homophobia is one of the only lines I have left. Homophobic people get cut out of my life immediately. I just want to know why the HELL he would tell someone he KNEW to be bisexual that gay people are "dirty and disgusting". And he liked girl-on-girl. I find that ironic. Anyway, he's gone and done with, I'm not making that mistake again. But I'm done. Fuck it.