agentak: (Default)
Because I was stupid and didn't renew my ani-virus program when my license expired, my computer crashed. I'll have to take it in tomorrow to get it scrubbed down, but I don't know how long I'll be without. Some of my accounts I can't get on from other computers, like DA. I'll be stuck using the family computer when I get a chance (I don't get much time alone with it), so I won't be on much until I get this fixed. I'll probably end up replying to all your comments like a week from now.

Love you guys, I'm sorry!



(PS: [livejournal.com profile] outlineofwinter , email fails us. Srsly when I get my computer back we're just skyping. )
agentak: (Default)
Okay so I have an exam on Monday. I was planning on pulling an all-nighter tonight to write up my notes for it but I'm freaking out so much that I have to stop.

I missed the class before last. I'm totally broke and don't have a car, but my parents either drive me or give me bus fare so I don't mind that much.

Except last Monday.

At the last minute my dad decides not to give me a ride. I was arguing with my mom about bus fare and she was being really irrational complaining that "There's no way it costs that much for you to get to and from school!" (I have to take, like, several buses) and so she wouldn't give me enough to get there and back. Essentially, I was like "Fuck this, it's not happening" and then I went back to bed.

But then my mom had a change of heart (apparently) and woke me up to annouce that she has the fare for me.... half an hour after my bus left. The bus I have to take to get there only runs in the morning and in the afternoon. The last morning bus left at 8:30. The next one won't come until 4 pm. My class is at 10 am. My mom didn't understand why I wasn't thrilled that she finally decided to give me the cash to get to school and so after another argument, I went back to sleep.

Then I go to class last Wednesday and found out that we took down all the definitions that we need to know for the exam. There's a huge fucking list of them. I have a list of the words but no definitions. They aren't the dictionary definitions as the words have their own unique meanings in the context of the course ('valid', for example, means something totally different from it's dictionary definition) and I can oly find a handful of the more common ones online.

The best part? The textbook we're using is wrong over half the time. My Prof corrects the textbook as he lectures so I can't look up the terms in that since it's total crap.

I'm pissed off and stressed out and I feel like crying. My parents pushed me to go back to school and now it's like pulling teeth to get to class and I hate this. They promised me they'd get me a bus pass when I started school but changed their minds when it actually came down to buying me one (funny enough, they've spent more so far on my fares than it costs to buy a pass). They want me to be a full-time student next semester but if it's this hard getting to one class I don't want to know what it will be like trying to get to four. They swore that next time they'd get me a pass but that's what they said for this semester and that was a total lie...

I'm going to fail the exam so miserably I don't even see the point of showing up. The saddest part is that on the last exam I got the highest  mark in the class. Now I'm going to be at the bottom of the barrel.
agentak: (Default)
You know that scene in Red vs Blue where Caboose is in the background of Doc and Church talking and he's all like "I feel dizzy!"/"OOOOooooooh!"/"I'm still laying here... Why won't anybody help me..."

I've been quoting that for, like, an hour now.


My arm has less blood in it than it did this morning.
agentak: (Default)
Okay, so I've been somewhat quiet lately. The reason being is that I've been getting ready for my trip to Tallahassee next week (YAY FLORIDA!) and doing doctor stuff.

You know how I posted that I was diagnosed with scoliosis? Well, my physiotherapist did his assessment of me and thought that there was a lot more going on with me than just that, so he wrote to my doctor and sent me back for more tests.

Hey guys, I've got Rhumetoid Arthritus! (and possibly some other things)

It's not so bad, I figured out like years ago that I probably had arthritus but most doctors just shrugged it off with stuff like "How would you know what arthritus feels like?", "You're too young to have it", "There's nothing we can do for something like that anyway so there's no point testing for it", ect.

I'm just really happy to finally have a documented diagnosis. I'm being referred to a Rhumetologist, and I'll have to do some more tests for it before they decide what kind of treatment would be best for me.
agentak: (Default)
Okay so since my last post was... horrifically depressing... I felt like posting something happier.




Who here has seen Galaxy Quest?



It's one of my favourites (a die-hard Trek girl here) and I'm watching it right now.


The plot of the movie, for those of you that don't know, is that there's a group of washed-up nothing actors that years ago starred in a Star Trek like show. Years later, a group of aliens who have based their entire culture off the "historical documents" of the crew's adventures arrives on Earth to beg for the crew's help in defeating a tyrant who has killed most of their people.

The aliens that ask for help come from a society that had never even encounted the concept of lying until meeting the tyrant, Sarris. Hence why they believe Earth's tv shows are "historical records".


One of the more touching scenes from the movie is when the leader of the aliens has just been tortured for hours and Sarris (who has now learned that the people's 'heroes' are actors) forces the 'Commander' from the show to admit that he'd lied to them, he wasn't a hero.

Sarris learns who they are after watching the "historical records" and knowing right away that it was a show.

Here's the scene:








Normally that scene is really sad for me. I don't cry, but I feel grief for them.



This time?


It's occurred to me that Sarris recognized a tv show format really fast. He only watched about twenty seconds!


So what does my mind jump to?


Clearly his species has a lot of their own, similar programs.


NOW ALL I CAN SEE is Sarris and his species acting in their own versions of our shows.


Oprah is now a seven foot tall green lizard creature with an exoskeleton.


Sarris: The Human Slayer.



MTV for them must be crazy.



Good Housekeeping.



Cooking with Sarris.



Okay, I'm done.



















..... The Fast and the Reptilian.
agentak: (Default)
ARE WE TALKING ON THE RADIO? 'CAUSE I LOVE TO TALK ON THE RADIO.



Okay, so there's this radio station that I've been listening to (Virgin 95.3) and they were talking about a guy in japan that married a giant pillow that had a picture of an anime girl on it. So the station started the question "If you could marry something that's not a person, what would it be?"

Nat (One of the hosts, not me) said Earl Grey Tea. I can't remember what the other host (Drew) said. People are calling in with things like books/DVDs they love, foods, ect. I called in. Here's how that went:


Nat: Virgin Radio, you're on the air!
Me: So the question what would I marry if I could marry a non-person?
Drew: That's it.
Me: Optimus Prime.
Hosts: (laughing)
Me: Hands-down.
Nat: You're so sure of yourself!
Me: I've been sure of that choice since I was five years old.
Nat: After all that time? Even now that you're a full-grown woman?
Me: Have you heard him?
Nat: ...Can I change my vote?
Drew: No! You already picked. No sexy robots for you!
Nat: ...You think he's sexy too?
Drew: It's Optimus Prime. Orientation doesn't matter!
agentak: (Default)
Okay so on Saturday night at one am I was in so much pain I was crying. There was something seriously wrong with my spine. My dad took me to the emergency room at the hospital and I just kept getting worse until eight am (seven hours later) when one of the doctors finally got around to seeing me (no, it wasn't busy, it's just the shittiest ER in the area). They did x-rays and I have Scoliosis.

While that's something I'll have my whole life, this particular back spasm should be gone in the next few days but until it goes away I'm in agony and I'm totally drained in every sense of the word. I'm so tired because I'm in so much pain I can't sleep.

I'm on percosets, but they aren't strong enough. I think that says something.

I'm going to go now because the pain makes me so sick I've got a blinding headache an fever, but I can't cool down because my back muscles need to stay warm.

Somebody just put me out of my misery.
agentak: (Default)
Okay, so the last few days have been fantastic and I'm in such a good mood right now.


1.)  I'M GOING TO TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA TO MEET [livejournal.com profile] ghostofthemotif .

This April is going to be like the best month ever. I'm still looking into flights and everything but we have the days picked and everything. I'm going to be staying with her and I've been bouncing off the walls that I get to meet her and I'm planning on hugging her so hard she can't breathe excited. Clearly. Izzy, for your sake, wear padding.

2.) I finally got the Azula Moodtheme working! I'm so proud of myself. I WILL NEVER MAKE A MOODTHEME AGAIN. That was way too hard. But it's okay because I'm happy with the one I have now ^u^

3.) I fixed my wireless network myself! I don't have to hack my neighbours anymore!

4.) Kathleen ([livejournal.com profile] grifkilla51 ) and I were driving around late at night and this douchebag (You know the type: Suped-up gangster car with blackout windows, club lighting and music so loud the cars three down from him are shaking) was right behind us pumping his shitty gangster club music. Well, Kat's got a Honda Element and those things have a crazy-ass stereo system. So we put "Part of your World" from The Little Mermaid up as loud as her speakers will go with all the windows down. After half a minute, the guy shut off his music. People from other cars were giving us thumb-ups.
agentak: (Default)
Okay, so I was really bummed when the whole RP thing exploded. I'm not going to lie.

But now?


Oh dear god it's a gongshow.


It's to the point where I have no problems discussing it here, and I generally don't talk about that stuff here when other users are involved (though I will be leaving out direct usernames)


You want to kick me out from being York and then replace me with someone who (created a good character, I'll admit, but) can't write a good York? I'm sorry, you can't be a horrible liar and be a fantastic conman. Conning is nothing but lying. I don't think this person has ever seen Matchtick Men. Or Ocean's 11. Or like any con movie ever where they explain that if you can't lie you're dead in the water.

And I'm sorry, but if one of the main reasons you give me for banning my York profile is that "he can't be a braggart or cocky because he's a theif and that's against his character" then don't pick someone to write York who lists as one of his main personality traits that's he's "cocky and arrogant about his skills"

Now this is nothing against the person playing him now. If they'd gotten to York first, I wouldn't have liked the profile, but I wouldn't have cared because she/he would have gotten the character fair and square.

I think we all know who this is about, don't we?

Amusing sidenote: I think she got wind that her OC's are off the Sue scales and are actually by far the worst Sues on the site, a friend told me to go see how she "tried to flush the profile out" and actually made it so, so much worse.

So at this point? I think kicking me out was the best thing for me. I'm no longer depressed and watching the ship go down. I'm laughing on the shore with a bucket of popcorn.

Fuck you.

Feb. 17th, 2010 11:57 am
agentak: (Default)





Dear Abusive Loser Ex-Boyfriend )
agentak: (Default)
I went Hawking.

For those of you who don't know what that is, Falconry or Hawking is taking a bird of prey (or several, in my case) and training them to hunt, kill, fly in formation and return to you on command.

It's amazing.

Also I've learned the greatest hobby in the world: Walking around downtown in a big city during rush hour with a gigantic falcon on your arm and a totally nonchalant expression.

The people who notice it and freak are always funny, but the people who don't react at all are even better. Like, it's totally normal that I'm on a croweded city block with a huge Gyr falcon.




 Meet Cabal. I think he was my favourite. Cabal is a Harris Hawk. He was very obediant, and always flew his best. Plus he's just so expressive. It was adorable. His feathers were an amazing pattern of black and a rusty red.





(Let's ignore the fact that I am mid-blink in this one)
This is Mishral (Mis-rail). She's a Peregrine Falcon, and man was she fast! I mean, you hear lots about Peregrines being the fastest beings on the planet, but that's nothing until you see them in flight. I was really iffy about taking her out. I'd heard that Mishral hates women and won't work with them. She was a rescue bird, her previous trainers had been very abusive (both were female) and now really the only woman she'll be okay with is her personal trainer Joanne, but Jo remarked that Mishral has never taken to a woman as fast as she took to me. It was great. She's so pretty. And totally possessive of her targets, which is fun to watch. This girl needed no persuasion to fly off my arm, the second I said she was allowed to go after it she was gone.




This is me and Sabre on the streets of Downtown Vancouver. He's technically 3/4 Gyrfalcon and 1/4 Saker Hawk, but it's like he doesn't have any Saker in him at all. He was a great flyer but god damn was he whiney. He sounded like my little sister's kitten. It was cute, but annoying. I'd mew right back at him. We'd have little birdy conversations.
agentak: (Default)
I have a question.


IS THERE SOMETIHNG ABOUT ME THAT SCREAMS  "PLEASE, COUPLES! COME HIT ON ME! I'D MAKE A GREAT THIRD!"



Because it's happened like FOUR TIMES NOW. AT LEAST. THIS YEAR. IT'S ONLY FEBURARY.



details here )

PUPPY!

Feb. 11th, 2010 11:33 am
agentak: (Default)
Alright, so short post today:

I have a puppy on my head. His name is Charlie. Pic included in the post.

So I had a really good day today, and it's amazing to see how one good day can balance out so many shitty ones. A week of horrible shit and yesterday put me in this awesome mood.

First: I got a package from one of my very best friends. I was expecting like a letter or one of those little envelope bags so I was so confused when my dad handed me this big box that he said came in the mail.

Among other awesome things, there was Charlie. I've been cuddling him for a while now. He makes me want to get a job even more so that I can send her awesome things because no income means less mail to send :(

Izzy! You're amazing! *hug*


Then my friend Katty came to pick me up and we drove around for a while. It was so fun, I love driving around late at night. (Most of you know, but Kat and I have a friend-with-benifits situation). The best part of the night was when she was home, we started texting back and forth about things we found sexy about each other. I'm not someone who usually feels positively about themselves physically, but those texts made me feel really good about myself.

So yeah, all-in-all I had a good day.



And yes, that's a Halo poster. It looked like Out Of Mind. And yes. That is a gigantic Batman pillow I made. I have the most awesomely nerdy stuff.
agentak: (Default)
I haven't written in a little while but I swear I'll write a catch-up entry on those horrible months. Surgery and major computer drama (very long story short: Best Buy incinerated my hard drive with almost four years of WIP writing and other data without making the back-up I hired them to do simply because they're fuckwits. Anyway.)

Life sucks pretty hard right now. I'm upset about a lot of things going on and it's hit me hard.  I won't detail it all here because frankly that would clog up my page, but anyone who wants to know can just send me an email/facebook message/ect. I also have AIM now so if people want to add me there just drop me a line. I'm still not all that great with it, but moving on.

We're entering the seventh consecutive night with under an hour's sleep and it's really taking it's toll on me. Stuff like typing or texting can take me forever simply because I'll look back at what I just typed and see that I've made a lot of stupid mistakes on letters or whatever, so if there are a lot of mistakes in this.... I'm trying my best to keep them all out, but it's hard.

As of two nights ago I've had schizophrenic attacks at night. I almost never get them. Like, ever. I can't even remember the time I had a bad one. These ones weren't as bad as the ones I used to get, but they're a factor that's keeping me awake. Being so tired and so stressed out brought them on and now I'm sleeping even worse than before. Which says a lot. For some reason my lightswitch controlled music. When I turned my light off to go to bed, music played. When I turned the light back on it was gone. This went on for several hours.

The one thing I've realized is that it really says something that I live with family, my bedroom is direcly beside my parent's, but when I'm having a fit all I do is reach for my phone and text someone in Florida.

Izzy, I don't know if you'll read this or not but I love you so much. It means the world to me that I have someone that I can text that won't totally think I'm a freak.
agentak: (Default)
Fuck my life. Fuck my luck. Fuck my taste in people. Fuck the Livejournal cut. Just fuck it all.

You want to know my fucking relationship history in a nutshell? Here it is; start to finish. Yes, finish. I've fucking had it. I hope you'll understand why by the end of this.


Enter boyfriend A. Much older (I was 15; he was starting in a very prestigious Medical Student program at 18). Very good-looking, made great money, loved me like crazy, my parents ADORED him, we had a lot in common, he was very intelligent, never pushed me for anything sexual (I wasn't comfortable), loved to spoil me and shower me with gifts, wanted to get on good terms with my friends. Seems great, right? Several months in he becomes a creepy, possessive, obsessed abusive stalker. After a year-long engagement (Yeah, I said 'yes' after he had started treating me like shit. I am an idiot. Moving on.), I've had enough and I work up the strength to dump his needy ass. I did not, however, leave the relationship fast enough to miss out on plently of emotional scarring. This is where I believe the troubles began.


Girlfriend A. A friend of mine that I dated for like one or two weeks a few months after boyfriend A; but we decided to part ways because while we made good friends, there was no chemistry.


Girlfriend B. About eight months ish after girlfriend A. We were fine and dated for about two months; but I was somewhat emotionally distant. She sent me a six-paragraph email detailing how much she was in love with me. The email ended with: "We don't get to go out all that often, but that would be fine if we were having sex." I respond that I'm not ready. She dumps me right there and ten minutes afterward decides it's totally fine to upload pictures taken DURING OUR RELATIONSHIP of her at parties making out with random people half-clothed.


Boyfriend B. Started dating at the end of June; broke up an hour ago. Gorgeous, great kisser, really sweet, Russian, he seemed to really want to get to know me, he seemed like an all-around great guy. Then in one conversation revealed himself to be an unintelligent, arrogant, self-centered, old-fashioned, controlling, misogynistic, homophobic douchebag. All in the span of one hour-long phone call, he loudly voiced his opinion that a woman's place was in the kitchen, what a horrible place the world is because a man will come home to dirty dishes and an empty table because women don't all just stay home, that women who are unhappy in their marraiges should shut their damn mouths because it's probably their fault, that I'm practically retarded for wanting to adopt, about he would personally smash all the cameras in a tv network that had programs showing homosexuality in a positive light, how if his future son ever turned out to be gay he'd spend all his time and money on therapists to 'fix' the boy...Eh, need I go on? I told him I wasn't interested anymore, said good-bye and hung up. He sends me a lovely text afterward whining about how horrible I am, with everything rainging to physical appearance to my apparent lack of intelligence, to my disgusting liberal 'morals'. It wasn't even well-written. It was just angry, bitter slander. All I could think was (well, first off that he's calling me brain-deadly stupid and he was constantly asking me to explain myself because he couldn't follow complex sentences. His english was fantastic. Apparently he's just stupid.) Wow, this guy is not used to being dumped.

So I'm done. Fuck it. All I attract are scumbags and losers. I'm not trying anymore. I'm a solitary person anyway. I'm actually really glad the last one turned out to have opinions like he did. My problem is that I will take a lot of shit from my relationships. Not just romantic, but in general. Homophobia is one of the only lines I have left. Homophobic people get cut out of my life immediately. I just want to know why the HELL he would tell someone he KNEW to be bisexual that gay people are "dirty and disgusting". And he liked girl-on-girl. I find that ironic. Anyway, he's gone and done with, I'm not making that mistake again. But I'm done. Fuck it.

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